SWIPE, SIP, REPEAT

I haven’t gone on many dates recently. I think it’s because I’ve been traumatized by what happened at the bookstore cafe. But I did start spending time at there hoping to run into my “Fake Ex Boyfriend” again. He hasn’t shown up again-yet. A lot of other guys go there, too-some of them are very good looking. But they are young and apparently only here for school? Not college, some military school. After which, they are sent to other places. 

A few have approached me or my friend to ask us out–for coffee, of course. Which I found pretty funny: asking to take me from one coffee shop to another? Ha. Okay. But I could save us both the trip and just meet him at his table. 

Like I noted, though, the guys are pretty young-so it stands to reason that “My FakeEx Who Saved Me” is probably just as young. Not that it would’ve been a thing either way. He only did me a favor, not propose. 

He was nice to look at, though.

One of my favorite things to do is swipe through the dating apps with my friend. We look at profiles and bios, try to guess the details they left out and sometimes make up fake back stories. We considered swiping on the incomplete “options,” and if matched, meet them and see if we guessed right. But that seemed like a lot of work to waste everyone’s time. 

Most often left out of profiles is height-and full body photos next to other people, so you can’t really know. Is it really that important? Then again, I’m short, so everyone’s taller than me anyway. 

Age isn’t left out because I think it’s required, but I am 100% certain that some of those guys are taking a page from the female playbook and rounding down by more years than is believable. I get why women do it, but guys? This is new. Oh, and it goes the other way, too: younger guys are claiming to be closer to the age of the MILFs they wanna meet. But I think that’s so they show up in our search. Since most of us older women set our age preference to “can’t be mistaken for my kid.”

The most fun, though, are the bios. Humor is a huge turn on for me. It shows creativity and not taking yourself seriously. But I found that it also distracted me from noting they are never clear on what they are looking for. The dating app is supposed to be for people looking to make a connection with the intention of dating and evolving into a relationship. The hookup app is for the… NSAs and FWBs that would evolve no further than a toxic situationship once someone catches feelings, and sometimes into an actual relationship… depending on – yeah, I don’t know. It’s all pretty confusing. 

Profiles without a face photo, or that show a group photo are so annoying. Hot tip: in the group of hot people, it’s the one who is not as hot. And really that’s okay. The killer in that situation is the lack of self-confidence. I went to coffee with a guy recently–we’ll call him Mr. McPick Me– and I sat through six cups of coffee as his therapist. He did want to see me again, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted a date or another free therapy. 

I’m learning a lot, though-they aren’t really that different from us in the ways we make them out to be. And it kind of puts a lot of things into perspective. 

Not sure what I was expecting when I decided to start dating again. Or what I was looking for. Other than someone genuine.  And preferably close to the same as as me. Funny, smart-able to hold a conversation. Fun. Interested in knowing ME. Was not just looking for a hook-up. And dates! Coffee is good for a first meet, but planning an actual date would be awesome. Of course, the three givens: has a job, a car and doesn’t live with his mom. Supportive. Doesn’t have to be a cuddler, but let’s me cuddle because I am. Loyal. Trustworthy. Not attracted to my friends. Doesn’t believe in stepping outside a moral compass. And wants to work towards an actual relationship that leads to marriage and not endless coffee dates until he realizes caffeine isn’t the panty-dropper he thinks it is.

If I could Build-A-Man: he’d be tall, fit (healthy), handsome (although that’s really subjective), a great kisser and great “after dark.” Which could also be in the morning. And afternoon.

None of that is anywhere in my dating app profile. That man is literally a figment of my romantasies. Ha.

Maybe one day, though.

Talk again, soon.

Me